I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
