you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
we're so committed to being not committed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
