Jerry, you need to find god
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
