Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize