At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
