Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
