Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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