It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize