don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
