Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
