Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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