When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
