I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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