I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
