I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
