I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
