i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We are all done wearing pants today
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize