And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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