Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
