Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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