matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
