We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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