how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he puts the penis in happiness.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
