My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
