If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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