I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
