but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
