You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize