I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
