hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
