So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
