your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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