The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
