smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
