YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
