just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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