ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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