Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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