I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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