Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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