I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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