Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
