Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
