Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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