just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
