Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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