you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
