i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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