Can Purell be used as lube?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
