dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
