so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
