I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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