Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
