I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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