i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
