I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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