If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
