Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
