i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
