Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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