Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
