he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
