You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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