i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
