we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
