Please, let me fuck your mom
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
